every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
