she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
