One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize