You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
