just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
