i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
