Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
