Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
