And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
