Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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