The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
