you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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