My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We had sex on a dog bed..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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