It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We got so high we made milksteak
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
