On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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