I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
