i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
