the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
