Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
