PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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