Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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