I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I need moral support for this bender
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize