I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
