have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
3pm strippers are depressing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
