There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
