Me. At least after what I've been through.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
