Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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