I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
