what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
