I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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