I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
