She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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