hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
