Screwed.edu
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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