We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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