His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize