some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
