what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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