omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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