eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
