walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
