Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
