I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
