I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
