I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize