I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
