We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
