I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We smell like vodka and hangover
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