The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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