we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
