Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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