totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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