i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
