can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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