All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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