We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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