lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize