I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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