i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
