we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
