WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
