Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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