And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He uses pillows to masturbate.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
