Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
