I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
